"In order to change, in order to build a business... in order to do all those things that you want to do with your life, with your work, with your dreams, you’re going to have to do things that are difficult, uncertain or scary.”
The above quote is from an excellent motivational video titled "Retrain Your Mind" that I came across on YouTube. That quote really captures why it's so hard for us creative types to deal with rejection. And in this digital age where social media dominates our lives, we face rejection each and every day.
I had a breakthrough in this area last week. I started out 2017 last January by turning over a new leaf and writing a new "social media policy." I vowed to check my Facebook, Twitter and other accounts throughout the day, reply to any comments and thank people for taking the time to respond. But by this fall, I had back-slid into my old habits.
I'd post something and then never check to see what kind of response it got. I was too afraid that the post would receive an embarrassingly small number of "likes" or comments or — oh, the horror! — nothing at all.
It suddenly occurred to me that if I went to the other extreme and started checking my social media accounts and looking at the responses (or lack thereof) obsessively throughout the day, it would take away the sting.
This tactic has worked. I started making handwritten spreadsheets to track the status of my social media accounts: 989 Twitter followers as of 6 a.m., 986 Twitter followers as of noon, etc. Doing this has given me at least some semblance of control.
Looking at these cold, hard numbers has taken away their power over me. But the trick is that you have to keep up with social-media monitoring, or it's easy to slide back into your old ways of posting content and then never looking at the response. It's like anything: consistency is the key to turning an action into a habit.
I totally get why it's hard to look at social media stats. As artists, we're sensitive to begin with. Looking at your numbers on social media is like opening a stack of potential rejection letters every time you tap the Facebook, Twitter or Instagram app.
But to use another analogy, I've come to realize that trying to use social media to promote yourself and your artistic endeavors without ever looking at the stats is like driving with your hands over your eyes. Wouldn't it be foolish to set out on a road trip, cover your eyes and just hope and pray that you arrive at your destination?
Examining social media stats is necessary so that you can see what you’re doing right and what you need to adjust and do more or less of in order to get the most traffic and positive feedback.
Here's yet another analogy: using social media is like learning a different language. I'm learning Spanish, and it's difficult to remember sometimes that the adjective goes after the noun. In English, we say "blue sky," but in Spanish it's "cielo azul" (literal translation: "sky blue"). And just like in language learning, there are nuances and exceptions to every rule.
So one day, you might post something that gets a lot of enthusiastic responses. The next day, nothing.
For example, one day while doing dishes, I posted the following random thought: "Dirty dishes are like Gremlins: you put them in water and they multiply!" So many people responded to this mundane observation that Facebook sent me a notice that this inconsequential post I dashed off was performing better than 95 percent of the other posts I'd so painstakingly crafted.
But just the other day, I posted what I assumed was also a clever observation: "Add to my to-do list: remember to look at my to-do list to remember what I'm supposed to be doing." Nothing. No comments. No likes. No shares. Crickets. Go, figure.
The nature of social media is that it's constantly mutating. Many of us who are from Generation X and older scratch our heads, trying to wrap our brains around this ever-changing, puzzling medium.
In real life, if someone is your friend, it's safe to assume that they'll continue to be your friend unless you sleep with their spouse, rob their children's college fund or run over their grandmother. But on social media, people will "un-friend" you for no apparent reason.
Twitter is especially fluid. One day I inexplicably lost 30 followers; a couple days later I gained 30 followers. I hadn't done anything different either day. As a general rule, I try to avoid posting about controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc. So I have no idea why people would un-follow me.
It's so random. Sometimes people un-follow you on a whim: they misinterpreted something you posted, they may be irritated that you’re so perky and positive all the time, or they simply got up on the wrong side of the bed.
Or they glanced at your profile picture and decided they don't like people with dark hair ("pelo oscuro" in Spanish).
To draw another analogy, looking at social media stats is like dieting. When you set foot on the scale, sometimes that dreaded number doesn't reflect all the hard work you’ve been doing to lose weight. You can't figure out why you've hit a plateau. It's easy to get frustrated and give up.
But it pays to persevere when tending to your health. And it's worth it to keep at it with the whole social media thing. It's all about trial and error.
And just like the number on the scale, the number of people who "follow" or "friend" you on social media is just a number. It doesn't reflect your true value or self-worth.
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