I hadn’t seen my friend Logan in a while, so I was looking forward to catching up when we met up for lunch recently. We’re both writer/directors, so I always enjoy sharing my new ideas with him and finding out what exciting new projects he’s working on.
When Logan mentioned a disappointing incident involving Jeremy, a mutual friend of ours who had a reputation for making promises and not following through, I commiserated. Jeremy had backed out at the last minute on a project I'd asked him to help me with.
Logan told me that, similar to my experience, Jeremy had stood him up when he’d agreed to help Logan out with a short film. Jeremy was supposed to hold the boom mic for the sound recordist. But when Jeremy flaked out, the sound recordist had to do it all himself and as a result, the short film ended up with muffled dialogue. And the actors had moved on to other projects and were unavailable to re-record their lines in time for a film festival deadline Logan had been hoping to make.
Logan was understandably upset, but as he ranted and raved about how Jeremy had ruined his chances at getting into the prestigious festival and derailed his career, I began to feel uncomfortable. The longer Logan went on, his tirade devolved from simply blowing off steam to borderline character assassination. Sure, Jeremy’s actions had been selfish and irresponsible, but it’s not as though it was a life-or-death situation.
When Logan finally concluded his rant, I felt physically drained. Being on the receiving end of such negativity would sap anyone’s energy. When Logan suggested getting together again, I hesitated. His incessant complaining ‒ no matter how justified ‒ made me reconsider hanging out with him. But I went ahead and set a date to meet up again so as not to hurt his obviously fragile feelings.
A couple days later, I ran into another filmmaker friend who also knows Logan. When I mentioned that I had just seen him, she commented, "He's a nice guy overall, but wow. He seems so bitter."
Ironically, by going on endlessly about how he was wronged, Logan was alienating the very people who could help him out when someone like Jeremy flakes out.
This story illustrates the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. Learning how to regroup from betrayals and survive bad situations is necessary in general, but is especially important for creative types. For creativity to flourish, you have to keep your head clear. And it's hard to do that if your mind is clouded with vengeful thoughts and nonstop ruminating about the injustice of it all.
Of course there are examples of brooding geniuses whose brilliant work reflected their dark outlook. But Edgar Allan Poe aside, most of us benefit from managing our moods and striving for optimism.
The following are some ways that I deal with stress and try to keep negativity at bay. I'd love to hear how you cope, so please feel free to let me know by leaving a comment or emailing me at chrisbournea@gmail.com.
Pray or meditate. I'm very spiritual, but you don't have to subscribe to any particular belief system to simply close your eyes and breathe deeply. When practiced consistently, meditating can help you get centered.
Journal. Sometimes just getting your thoughts down on paper and keeping a private journal where no one can judge you is therapeutic.
Listen to music. The old adage that "music soothes the savage beast" is absolutely true. Putting on soft music such as classic, jazz or new age can calm your nerves. Or, listen to loud rock or hip-hop to help you purge your rage and get it out of your system.
Exercise. Just taking a walk, doing a couple of laps around the block, can clear your head.
Listen to inspirational videos or podcasts. There are an infinite number of resources available on the Internet. YouTube alone is a cornucopia of self-help videos. One of my favorites is Noah Elkrief. One of his best videos is "How to Never Get Angry - Anger Management for Everyone."
Indulge yourself. Although it's important to take care of yourself and eat healthy, get enough sleep, et cetera, there's nothing wrong with indulging yourself every once in a while when you're going through stress. Binge-watching trashy TV and eating junk food are certainly better alternatives than constantly going off and ruining your relationships!
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